Timeout for Leadership-your one-minute leadership idea

Leadership lessons I learned from my seat on the bench #13

Likeability: A double-edged sword

Is it important to be liked? Well, I guess it depends on who you ask. Some will argue that, of course, it is important to be liked. Who doesn’t like to be liked? It is easier to work for or with someone that you like.

Others will argue that likability means nothing. You didn’t have to like General George S. Patton. You just had to fight for him. Those in the sports world will tell you, you do not have to like the head coach, you merely have to play hard for him or her.

Successful school cultures will have a principal that is liked. Research tells us this. When discussing school culture, everyone starts in the principal’s office. Let’s also not get confused by this word. You can easily like someone who is demanding, one who pushes you to excellence, holds you accountable and who is honest and fair. And conversely, it is easy to dislike someone who exemplifies the opposite qualities.

It is easier to wok with a co-worker who is likeable. Some people just exhibit strong and many unlikable characteristics. These unlikeable characters bring everyone down and these same folks will destroy any attempt at building a positive culture. We need to look in the mirror and really try to get a handle on your own personality. Would you like you? Now that is the question. And depending on how you answer, that will probably give you a sign of how others perceive you. And when you look in that mirror, please be honest about what you see. Ask a trusted friend and colleague (if you have any) what they see in your mirror.

One day, a colleague in conversation described me as aloof and arrogant. Initially, this surprised me because I never saw myself in those terms. However, when I took time to reflect and peel back the layers of my personality, I could understand what he meant. I have very cold facial expressions and my body language suggests a very closed person. I rarely smile. That is what he read and, in part, made me unlikeable to him. I believe I am neither aloof nor arrogant, but I admit I send out signals I am. I have been working on this.

I have also seen very likeable people manipulate relationships and manipulate the work environment for his or her own needs. Unfortunately, you just like being around these people. They are humorous and make you feel good. However, they have little substance and would stab you in the back as quick as look at you. You want to sever ties with them, but you just can’t. They are very likeable. They know it and you know it.

I can recall a former colleague of mine who was very lucky with the women. Yet when you looked at him, you never could figure it out. It just didn’t add up. He was not the best-looking guy in the world and he was overweight. I questioned him once about this and he clearly told me he knew what he looked like and it did not bother him because he always made the ladies feel good about themselves and he always made them laugh. He always had the company of a good-looking lady. He made himself very likeable.

I guess the secret is, you can demand, you can push people, and hold them accountable as long as you are honest and fair and you make people around you feel good about themselves and you have a sense of humor.

So, just like last week, I solved a problem in a sentence or two. Really? The real trick becomes being able to do what you say. Ah, that is the problem, and this makes this thing called leadership so difficult.