Leadership / First Year of Teaching / Best Practice

Leadership / First Year of Teaching / Best Practice

Receiving feedback

Please do not ask, “how am I doing?”, if you do not want to know the truth! I know this question has been posed to me many times, and the wait time before I answered seemed like an eternity. I wasn’t prepared to tell the truth, and I know the person asking was not prepared to hear the truth. Some organizations function on a foundation of lies. No one tells the truth to anyone. Likewise, some families and relationships operate in the same manner. We will take a look at the essence of truth and trust in future posts. But today I am going to focus on how we receive feedback. It is a companion to last week’s article, Giving Feedback.

There is a general consensus that the first thing one should do when receiving feedback is to stop and to mentally prepare to process this new information. Understand that this new information could be painful to hear. Once again, people tend to like lists so I will hopefully make this easier to understand and use. It is also naturally easy to hear positive feedback. We cannot get enough of that. By reflecting on the points below, it may be easier to hear something that does not make us feel good about ourselves. Let’s call this list a Framework for Receiving Feedback. It includes the following points:

Listen and do not interrupt or respond immediately. Hear what the person is saying. You do not have to agree with it. As a matter of fact, many times, at that moment, you will not agree with it.
Listen to what is being said not to how it is being said. Try to remove any preconceived bias you may have personally against the individual supplying the feedback.
Ask questions about what is being said. Try to repeat back and paraphrase what you are hearing. I know many times a person did not get my message. I know they heard it, and I thought I said it clearly. However, we did not communicate. I also know that some people are experts at playing dumb and twisting things to hear what they want to hear.
Control your body language. This can be very difficult, but it is essential. No matter how devastated you may feel, try to keep your body and mind in the present, both calm and unemotional. I know I have said this in past posts, but what you do not say speaks much louder than the words that come out of your mouth. Be careful. Do not withdraw, and do not pout.
Do not become combative. In most cases, you will be given an opportunity to discuss or reply. If this reply is in written form, I caution you to be careful what you put in writing. An emotional and perhaps immature response could come back and haunt you through your entire stay in this school, district, or business. Never respond when you are angry or emotional. Wait a day or two.
Take this opportunity to re-focus your goals or re-establish your priorities. If you receive the feedback with an open mind, it may prove to be a wonderful opportunity for growth.
Once you receive feedback, keep it to yourself. Of course, you may want to discuss it with a trusted friend or significant other, but in all likelihood, they will have a bias towards the favorable because of their relationship with you. Do not use this as fodder for the school’s or business’ informal complaint room. (You know the faculty room, the water cooler, or whatever informal designated space your co-workers use to vent information they do not want the boss to hear.)
As you receive this feedback, although this may be difficult, try not to take it personally. Try not to be defensive about what is said. Defending your actions will not solve anything. Use this as an opportunity to perhaps provide solutions to what may be seen as problems. Strategize with the person giving the feedback as to how he/she perceives your suggestions for change.
Do not feel compelled to fill dead time with conversation. Ideas may need a chance to percolate.
Always ask the person for specifics and evidence of the action being discussed. If you are able to hear what exactly you said or did with supporting evidence, it is easier to process. I spoke last week about the need for the giver of feedback to be specific and show supporting evidence. Obviously, it is easier to hear feedback from someone who is skillful at giving it. (McCarthy, 2008)
Finally, it is important to thank the person for giving you the feedback. Feedback will allow you an opportunity to grow. Look at it this way, the person did you a service. (Hindy, 2017)

Every piece of feedback gives you an opportunity to change. It is up to you to take advantage of it. Some people live in a state of denial. No matter what they hear they convince themselves that it is not them who needs to grow. They will assert that the person giving the feedback is wrong or just doesn’t like them. I would guess that these people are miserable at work and will consistently be passed over for growth opportunities. They will either leave the school or business on their own, be asked to leave (get fired), or exist at the minimal level of proficiency and competency and be malcontents. How sad. How detrimental for those that are around them. How sad for their students!

Possess a true growth mindset. Be able to change with the times. Be resilient. Learning is never terminal. You can learn something new and something about yourself every day. Take this information and grow. I think you will enjoy the challenge.

References

Hindy, J. (2017). 8 Ways to Receive Feedback and Turn Them into Your Strengths. Retrieved from http://lifehack.org/42471/when-you’re-made-to-feel-unwanted-and -leave-and never-turn-back/

McCarthy, D. (2008). 18 Tips for Receiving Feedback. Retrieved from http://greatleadershipbydan,2008/1/18-tips-for-receiving-feedback.html

Seiter,C. (2016). The Art and Science of Giving and Receiving Criticism at Work. Retrieved from http://www.fastcompany.com/3039412/the-art-and-science-to-giving-and-receiving-cticism-at-work/