Leadership / First Year of Teaching / Best Practice
Mind Games
“Don’t let negative and toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and kick them out.” (Robert Tew)
The first time I heard that quote a trusted colleague said that to me. I was amazed for two reasons. First of all, I thought he made it up, and secondly, I found the quote so insightful. My colleague knew me well enough that he saw the anguish that had consumed my being. My personality causes me to dwell on isolated comments needlessly to the point where it physically affects me and impacts my work performance and my overall quality of life.
Today’s article is timely and important for educators because we are at the time of year that causes one to sometimes retreat into one’s own shell. It could be the weather. It could be the long stretch of school without a break or it could be the grind of just completing the 100th day of school. That is why I hope after reading this article everyone takes time to reflect and to take an inventory of “who is renting space in your head.” For a new teacher, you have been at the job for just about six months, and I encourage you to now take time to assess the relationships that you have made. Are these relationships healthy? Are there any “toxic” people? If so, you must act on it immediately. If you are a school leader, have you been so engaged in the minutia that it has caused relationships to deteriorate and become poisonous?
I hope you have been reading this blog, and you know my feelings about the importance of building positive relationships and how a healthy culture is essential for a high achieving school. I have droned on about the importance of a positive individual attitude in concert with a diligent work ethic. I hope I have planted the seeds of success in your brain. Let us never forget to nurture these important seeds.
Since that conversation with my friend many years ago, I have done a much better job compartmentalizing comments that the negative and toxic people make. I certainly do not ignore them, but I carefully weigh them and assess the value of this feedback.
Negative people drag you down. They are obstacle builders. When we allow them to rent space in our heads, we give them tremendous power. This is indeed unfortunate because at the end of the day, this is destructive behavior. Ultimately, we must dismiss these comments and disconnect from them (Hickey, 2017). I encourage you to avoid engaging in conversations with negative teachers in school (perhaps keep out of the faculty room?).
If you are in a leadership role in your school, it is also important to be careful as to where you assign these people on important projects and teams. Keep these poisonous people away from important projects. High functioning teams get dragged down by this constant and loud negativity. When looking at teams and projects assign the constantly negative people to low priority items. Perhaps think of putting them all on the same team (Rockwell, 2017).
Ask yourself the question of where will they do the least of amount of damage? I must confess that in my leadership roles I sometimes assigned my toxic and low performing teachers in the same way. I assigned them to where I thought they would do the least amount of damage to students. Although few school administrators are likely to admit this, it is a question that is asked many times, very quietly behind closed doors.
I remain optimistic, although unfortunately this optimism is waning. I see new reform models and new evaluation systems. Laws have made it somewhat easier and less costly to remove the toxic teacher. However, I am concerned because it seems that we are quickly headed in the same direction of previous systems; everyone is highly effective. The old systems have been replaced, but I am unconvinced that anything has really changed.
I also believe that when we are dealing with that constant complainer it is important to ask them to provide solutions to the problems that they are so quick to point out. Make them take some ownership of the problem. Additionally, if you work too hard entertaining the complainer, you ultimately become controlled by the complainer (Rockwell, 2017).
This strategy of passing the problem up would really bother me when enacted by my administrative team. Many people feel that when they “pass it forward” they relinquish any responsibility for the problem. Once they told you about it, it is now your problem.
So, what can you do about it? One of the first things that I have learned to do was to disempower the negative. Listen, process the information, and move along. Lock the information in a box in your head and only visit it if you have to.
Secondly, I would never give up on a person. Take time to try to alter their demeanor. Some will argue that these people will never change. Personally, I have not given up on people yet. However, there has to be a point of no return. You will know this when you see it. When that time comes, leave the malcontents at the starting gate.
Isolate the toxic to the best of your ability.
Next, I would make sure that I reward and praise the performers. This does not have to be elaborate, but it must be sincere.
Additionally, when a person enters your “doghouse”, give them an opportunity to get out. When they start to change, reward them by moving them to perhaps a more important team or project. Also, praise may work wonders here.
Finally, force yourself to model the positive behaviors expected. This can be hard especially when you are going through a bad time. Do not become that toxic person that you are trying to change.
In summation, do the following:
- Listen to the information and lock it up
- Work to co-opt the negative
- Isolate
- Praise and reward
- Model what is expected
I used to dread Sunday nights. As I prepared for Monday morning, my demons would run amok in my head. All of the negativity would take over my mind and would lead to a very restless and many times sleepless nights. People rarely talk about this, but as I probed deeper in my conversations, I find that many people shared my Sunday night demons. As I started to throw out those unwanted renters, the quality of my Sunday nights improved.
I just started reading a book written by Albert Bernstein entitled Emotional Vampires at Work: Dealing with Bosses and Coworkers Who Drain You Dry (2013), which begins to explain the many personalities of the people who are likely to sap our energy in the workplace. I think the name he uses, Emotional Vampires, is extremely fitting.
I will close today’s post with a quote from former NFL player and current television personality, Michael Strahan. He once stated, as he described some of the toxic people he encountered, “The tiger does not pay attention to the opinion of the sheep.” I do not know where he got that quote, but I had it posted on my board right above my desk. It was a daily reminder for me.
So, go clean out your attic and pay very little attention to the sheep.
Good luck!
References
Hickey, John Patrick (2017) Don’t Rent to a Bad Tenant. Retrieved from http//www.johnpatrickhickey.com/don’t-rent-to-a-bad-tenant/
Rockwell, Dan (2017) The Three Dumbest Things Leaders When Things Are Going Well. Retrieved from http//leadershipfreak.blog/2017/01/27/the-three-dumbest-things-leaders-do-when-things-are-going-well/
Rockwell, Dan (2017) Solution Saturday: I Work with a Very Negative Team Well. Retrieved from http//leadershipfreak.blog/2017/01/28/solution-Saturday-i-work-with-a-very-negtive-team
