Timeout for Leadership-your one-minute leadership idea

The Principal Coaching Clinic #1

Can you coach bitter to better?

You will notice that after 70 weekly tip sheets we will now be focusing on the school principal or organizational leader as a coach.  I will start each article with a question for you to ponder.

Perhaps for our first clinic I selected a much too difficult opponent, bitterness.  If I had a good answer to this question I would be off somewhere as a keynote speaker making the big bucks.  But let me answer the question first, and then perhaps vacillate (like every good leader should, LOL).  I think for the most part, you can coach up that bitter person and see a positive change.  Yes, it will take hard work and many times it will feel as though it is just consuming all of your energy.  The process can seem like you are always taking one step forward then two steps back.  But I feel that if you are committed to that process you will see that bitter person begin to change.

I do not believe that people start out being bitter on the job.  I think something happens and then somehow this event is compounded. All of a sudden, the person is catapulted into a canyon of bitterness.  This canyon becomes so deep that it is extremely difficult to climb out of. This entrenched bitterness can take years to grow within a person.  Left unaddressed, it will ferment and worsen every year.

Bitter people tend to be jealous, vengeful and angry.  They will make mountains out of molehills and they will tend to harp on issues for what seems like forever.  They are reluctant to change and are constantly looking for a fight.  Bitter employees tend not to seek any advice and have an extremely difficult time celebrating other people’s successes.

Wow!  And sadly, there are many bitter people in your school.  Your child could very well be sitting in a classroom with an extremely bitter teacher.  How do you think your child will feel about school? How well do you think your child will learn with that teacher?  And never forget that the most important determinant in your child’s learning and success in school is his or her classroom teacher!

And please do not think that I am beating up teachers right now.  I know many bitter principals and other administrators.  I am beating up bitterness!

As leaders, what can we do about it?  First of all, I think that you must disempower bitter people.  Always remember that misery loves company.  It is essential that you surround the bitter person with positive people.  People that are full of energy and always look at the glass as half full.  The company one keeps is important.   Attitude is contagious, very contagious. This disempowerment could start with a classroom location change, a grade level or subject change or a change in schedules.  Do not put all of the bitter people in the faculty lunch room at the same time.  If you do, you will be increasing the likelihood of growing more bitter people.

Secondly, you must give them opportunities for success and then celebrate this success with them.  Make a big deal about it.  Make that person feel good about themselves.  I recall from my football coaching days, that when I made a public fuss over that player who was struggling, my attitude would make an enormous difference. That downtrodden player could walk off the field one day feeling good about himself.  And I guarantee that this player will start the next practice which a much brighter outlook.  That same thing can occur with a teacher, a custodian, a secretary or a principal.  You can create a snowball effect.

Make sure you extend yourself a bit more to that person.  Go out of your way to visit that classroom and share your good feelings.  For the time being, put your negative feedback on hold.  There will be time for some constructive feedback when the person is in a better state perhaps physically and emotionally to hear it and process it.  Be that personal cheerleader that this person so desperately needs.

When the time is right, talk with the person about your perceptions of their bitterness.  By giving the person an opportunity to share this with you, it may go a long way to salvation. You may be the first person that ever asked about it, or even showed someone cared about them as a person.  Perhaps it is something that you personally did or did not do to make this person so bitter.  It gives you an opportunity to explain the situation from your perspective.

I ask you not to give up on that person. However, I know that you have a school or an organization to run.  You cannot be that person’s psychologist.  And just like that old coach, no matter how good you may be, you will not win every game.  If this occurs, you have to isolate this person and ensure that they do not hurt the children or infect their colleagues.  Now that is the real challenge.  BITTER CAN BECOME BETTER!