Leadership
“Playing nicely together in the sandbox”
I hope the title of this article caught your eye and prodded you to read on. A school or a business reflects our society. Each organization is made up of many people coming to work every day with a different frame of reference, a different mindset, and a different set of personal problems and issues. I chose this title because working in a school reminds me of my youth when we all somehow learned to play in the same sandbox, share, and ultimately, get along with others. The metaphor of children playing together in a sandbox and adults working together in a school is sound. The simplicity of the message makes me think of the book written in 1988 by Robert Fulgham entitled All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten: Uncommon Thoughts on Common Things. If we followed the tenets outlined in this book, we would rarely have a controversy.
Unfortunately, we do not follow the basic concepts of this book. Perhaps each new hire should be given the book to read and discuss the implications on the school wide level. Personally, I think I performed better in a crisis. Stress brought out the best in me. I was able to help solve most student and parent issues, school wide issues, and at times, community based issues. The most difficult problems to solve were employee to employee conflicts.
I think I have tried most strategies known to man to resolve some of these adult conflicts. The worst strategy used was ignoring the problem. There were times I chose to ignore the problem with the hope that it would just go away or somehow manage to solve itself. This proved to be a ridiculous strategy which never seemed to work. I was able to avoid the problem, but my strategy of avoidance allowed the problem to fester and become worse and more damaging. Although, it was not my problem per se, allowing it to go unresolved damaged the building and the positive culture I was trying to nurture. Also, merely telling the people to stop their behavior will never work.
I would be extremely cautious about immediately bringing both people together with the hopes of bringing peace. Many times, they are not prepared for this type of meeting. At times, I rushed to have this meeting, and it ended much worse than it began. However well intended your action may be, this premature meeting may escalate the situation. Although this delay might seem like good textbook advice, if the conflict has reached a truly disruptive point, do not delay.
First, I would try to gather facts from each individual and try to gain each person’s perspective of the situation. This situation could be nothing more than frustration boiling over. When people are allowed to vent to an empathic ear, the problem could be solved. You cannot choose sides. Your neutrality to the situation is critical.
Is this conflict disrupting the school culture and climate? The parties involved must understand how this can negatively impact the delicate nature of a school culture. This deleterious effect could be magnified if the faculty dining room gossip mill causes people to choose sides. When this conflict occurred between two Education Association members, many times I would solicit the services of the president of the group to get involved and help solve the conflict. There were times that this strategy worked because it functioned outside of the scope of the administrator / employee relationship.
Be careful offering advice before you know if the parties involved want your advice. I would seek permission before making constructive suggestion for resolutions.
At the end of the day, I believe a meeting of all of the parties involved will have to take place. By the time this meeting has occurred, you will have the facts the way each party has presented them to you, and the parties will know that you will help them solve the issue. There are times when the employees will look to you to solve their issue. You may help but ultimately the employees must work together to solve their problem. This will in all likelihood require a spirit of compromise. When this meeting occurs, I would once again bring an Association representative to the meeting to help you in this quest. I would also advise having another administrator in the room with you at this time (Gallo, 2014).
At the conclusion of the meeting, all parties must understand the expectations set forth. The most important thing that must come out of this meeting is that the behaviors cannot and will not be allowed to impact the building. Please do not think or hope that at the meeting that hugs and hand shaking will ensue. It won’t. Please do not be surprised that just like in a domestic dispute, by the end of the meeting, both parties line up against you. That should not deter you. The dispute needs to end.
As long as people are thrust into a community where they must work together, conflicts will occur. The goal of the school’s leadership is to create an environment that enables staff to handle conflict in a non-destructive way. Some will argue that conflict in an organization is good and spurs growth, creativity, and performance. In a school, I am not convinced of this. So, the goal is to make sure the culture can handle it. I would work to ensure that the following is in place:
- Open lines of communication
- Staff has been trained as to handle personal conflict
- Drama does not overrun the culture of the school
- People hold themselves personally accountable for their actions
- Once a conflict has been resolved, people are able to move on
- Everyone practices good listening skills
- PEOPLE RESPECT ONE ANOTHER (Regier, 2007).
There were days that I left work thinking I was nothing more than a conflict resolution expert. In every case, when I felt myself getting in over my head, I reached out to those better trained than I. Take a moment to think about the intricacies of the types of conflict a school must manage such as student to student, teacher to student, parent to teacher, parent to administrator, teacher to teacher, teacher to administrators, etc. The combinations are endless. As long as we bring people together, there will be conflict. Work to build the culture needed to handle the many facets of this conflict. Put the time and effort in to being proactive or needless hours will be wasted on the backside trying to pick up the pieces. Good luck!
References
Gallo, A. (2014). When Two of Your Coworkers are Fighting. Retrieved from http://hbr.org/2014/07/when-two-of-your-coworkers-are-fighting
Garfinkle, J, (2017). Handle Employee Conflicts With Confidence. Retrieved from http://www.smartbrief.com/original/2017/03/handle-employee-conflicts-confidence.
Regier, N. (2007). Ten Secrets for Eliminating a Drama Based Culture. Retrieved form http://switchandshift.com/secrets-eliminating-drama-based-culture.
