Timeout for Leadership-your one-minute leadership idea

The Principal Coaching Clinic #6

Do you listen to people?  No, I mean do you really listen to people?

I thought I was a good listener.  Being a good listener was a source of pride for me.  I always wanted to be viewed as accessible and there to listen to my team.

But upon reflection, perhaps I was just kidding myself and kidding those that I spoke with.  Of course, I heard the words come out of his or mouth, but I am not sure I processed one thing that was said.  I am using a broad brush to paint this picture, but I think that I was always more concerned with what was the next thing that I had to do or what crisis waited for me around the next dark corner.   I offer this belated apology to all of those that I did not really listen to.

During the course of my career I participated in many active listening workshops.  I knew the skills but did I actually put them into practice?  Yes, I knew to:

• Look at the person and nod my head in affirmation.
• Ask the right questions and ask them at the right time.
• Check for my understanding through my questioning techniques.
• Not interrupt.
• Not to make any judgments.
• Summarize effectively.
• Provide feedback at the right time.

I also knew to keep my mouth shut while the other person was talking and not to provide immediate solutions.  I had a difficult time mastering this skill.  I found myself always wanting to interrupt and to provide my valuable insight.  I was quick to suggest to someone what to do and how to do it.  Yes, this is part of the skill set of a micromanager and yes, I am a micromanager.

Many times, I was not able to show the right empathy with the person whom I was talking with.  I believe that I am a compassionate person who is empathic in nature yet in the heat of the moment, these qualities were perhaps not evident.

However, the most important quality that is needed to be a good listener to your staff is to BE THERE IN THE MOMENT WITH THEM!

I alluded to this earlier. The nature of the principal’s job requires the he or she be a master at managing multiple priorities.  As I think back on many of the crucial conversations that I had, I know that I was a million miles away thinking about something else.  I was not there for the person.  I was not in the present.  This is the biggest disservice one can do as a listener.  Subconsciously I could not wait for the conversation to end so I could get on to the next conversation or next task and start the process all over again.

I hope that you have seen the video of Pikes Fish Market in Seattle (Charthouse Publications), where the workers seem to have mastered the art of listening and overall communication.  The elements of Pike’s philosophy include:

• Choosing your attitude.
• Making your client’s day.
• Having fun.
• Being there.

Our job as a principal is all about customer service and yes, the students and staff are our customers.  Force yourself to be in the present in every conversation.  Late in my career when I would be approached by someone seeking “just a few seconds” and if I was not ready to really hear them, I would ask them to make a time to see me later.  I then explained to them that I really wanted to hear what they had to say and when they grabbed me, I was not able to give them that mental commitment.  Although this response was initially met with perhaps frustration and anger, people soon began to appreciate that I really wanted to hear what they had to say and that I wanted to give them my full attention and commitment.  When this occurred, I became a better listener.

The lesson of this coaching clinic is really simple.  Be there.  Be there for your staff. Be there for your students.  Be there for your significant other.  Be there for your children.  Be there for your friends.  Just stay in the present and simply be there!