Timeout for Leadership-your one-minute leadership idea

Message from the Lead Dog Principal #18

Don’t worry, be happy. Really?

That’s it. That’s all you need to do. And to finish the words to one of my favorite Bob Marley songs, I will add, because everything is going to be all right. But is that statement true? Of course, it is not true and yet we continue to peddle to everyone these shallow affirmations.

And every time we do this, we encourage people to hide their genuine emotions and ultimately, probably do more harm then good. Just like every leader, I have purchased my share of books and calendars, providing me with what seems like great daily affirmations. I used to have several of them hanging in my office.

Positive thinking is important. I usually have to work very hard at it. But work at it I did. As a principal and superintendent, I implored my teachers to “teach like a champion” every day. Likewise, I urged my students to “learn like champions.” I learned to “coach speak” with the best of them. I always wanted to “turn that frown upside down.” In the process of me being positive, I am sure that I denied people their true feelings. This denial only adds to that person’s stress.

Simply stated, my lack of empathy was an example of toxic positivity. Some have said that toxic positivity is simply an overdose of positive vibes (McKenna Princing, 9/8/21). I firmly believe that in today’s world of political correctness, we tend to consciously avoid any sort of negativity. And sometimes, the negativity is just the truth. We have been forced to walk around on our tiptoes on eggshells to avoid dealing with some negative items. Although people clamor for honesty, they are happier with a culture of toxic positivity.

The Psychology Group of Fort Lauderdale, Florida shares a simple chart showing examples of statements that can be considered toxic positivity juxtaposed with non-toxic accepting statement. Listed below are some examples:

Toxic Positivity                                          Accepting and validating statements

“Don’t think about it, be positive.”            “Describe what you’re feeling, I’m listening.”

“Don’t worry, be happy.”                        “I can see that you are really stressed, anything I can do?”

“Failure is not an option.”                       “Failure is a part of growth and success.”

“Positive vibes only.”                                “I’m here for you through both good and bad.”

“If I can do it, so can you.”                      “Everyone’s story, abilities, limitations are different, and that’s okay.”

“Look for the silver lining.”                      “I see you, I ‘m here for you.”

“It could be worse.”                                  “That sucks. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”

I am working at getting better in my spreading of this toxic positivity. It is hard.

Download a list of 101 non-toxic affirming statements from the

Psychology Group (ThePsychologyGroup.com).