Timeout for Leadership-your one-minute leadership idea
The dark side-What might Yoda say? (#10)
Jealousy leads to resentment; resentment leads to hate. Pride leads to anger; anger leads to hate. Always to the same place the dark side leads.
People on the dark side are just full of anger and hate.
Do you know that your words matter?
Of course, your words matter. But you already knew that. Not only do your words matter, how you say those words matter. And perhaps how you say those words matter more. As a leader, it is essential that you think before you speak. It would be great if everyone followed that simple maxim, but leadership requires deliberate thought followed by deliberate action.
There have been times when I have been called out for this by my closest colleagues. I had a hard time believing what they said. I would argue that what I had said was no big deal. They had to remind me that everything that I said was important, and yes, a big deal. They chastised me for the manner in which I said these words. My tone and body language did me in.
I have shared with you in the past that my body language stinks. I walk around with a scowl, not a smile. Even when I am happy, a scowl is on my face. Who knows why? I have worked hard to correct this behavior but it is process. I have been called aloof and arrogant. And by the same person who uttered those words, after we had worked closely on a project, shared with me that he had me figured out entirely wrong. I appreciated his words. However, many never got that far. People locked in opinions about me because of my body language or how I spoke. If you take a moment to conduct a personal examination of this and make some personal modifications than I have accomplished my goal for writing this article.
“Stupid words return with misery on a leash” (Dan Rockwell 3/17/21). That sums it up nicely. Don’t forget it. Rockwell, in the same article, asserts that good actions will get spoiled by your poor choice of words. He goes on to talk about how you get yourself into trouble when you:
- Let your emotions get in the way.
- Stretch the truth (notice that I did not say lie).
- Gossiped about a colleague.
- Talked negatively about your boss to others.
- Let everyday drama exist in your school and then you get caught up managing it, if not promoting it (Rockwell, 3/17/21)
And I must confess that I have been guilty of all of the above at some time during my career. And when this occurred, my words would always come back to bite me right in the behind. Luckily, I think that I have kept my mistakes in this regard to a minimum.
Yes, I let my emotions get in the way. It is hard for me not to show my emotions when I am upset. I know on a personal level that I am a very emotional driver. I wear my feelings on my sleeve and I will not hesitate to rant about poor drivers or mysterious traffic jams. After many years of this behavior, my family finally was able to make me see the light. My immature emotional outbursts, would set a bad tone for the entire day. I thought because I blew up and for me it was over in 30 seconds, what was the big deal? Well, the big deal was that I ruined the culture and the climate in the car for that day. After driving with me, my family did not want to go to our planned destination let alone enjoy it.
Are you doing the same thing at your school? I know many people who regularly behave like me behind the wheel. Are your words and the manner in which you say them sapping the energy from your team? If they are, it is long overdue that that you change your behavior and change it now. And from experience, I will tell you that changing your behavior is easier said than done. For me, the change is still occurring. Yes, it is a process, but I am better person today than I was yesterday. Good luck on your journey of change.
