Timeout for Leadership-your one-minute leadership idea

Op-ed #14

 Can you coddle someone to greatness?

Fact:

Absolutely not.  You have to coach them hard!

Discussion:

Coddle-pamper-infantilize-spoil- indulge-baby

All of these words basically infer the same thing, namely, the act of over-protecting of an individual.

We will tend to do this many times when we think that we have a potential superstar on our hands.  The act of coddling is done in the classroom, in a school, in the office, or on the athletic field.  I think we do this at first altruistically, thinking that we are merely helping a person. It is a well-intended act.  However, somewhere along the way in this process we tend to cross some imaginary line where we no longer are helping a person, and in fact, we are doing this same personal a great deal of harm.

And of course, we tend to coddle our own children.  Yes, we want to protect them from pain, both physical and emotional, and some sort of disappointment.  But is this reality? 

I believe it is essential that we coach are people “hard.”  We need to push them and pull them to be able to succeed on their own.  We have to put them in some stressful situations where they are forced to make some hard decisions and live with the outcomes of their decisions.

Disappointments and losses come with this growth process.  You cannot always win, become that MVP, or get that raise or promotion that you so desperately want.  The people that we coach must experience these setbacks to build up their own personal resilience. We need to build some muscle strength.

Yes, sometimes it hurts.  Sometimes when we encounter a physical challenge, we have to push pass the pain points that come with this fatigue.  This same fight must be encountered when we need to push through some difficult mental challenges.

This especially becomes a problem when we are faced with both a mental and physical challenge at the same time.  I can recall this happening to me when I arrived on my college campus to play intercollegiate football.  I thought coming out of high school I was an “all-world” player.  I learned very quickly that I had an extremely difficult time pushing through both my mental and physical fatigue.  To this day I can recall my phone call home seeking some support and instead my father verbally kicked me in the butt.  He knew not to coddle me at that time and now when I look back on this phone call, I am so glad that he knew what to do.  This one phone call helped shape who I would become.  It was what I needed.

As a leader, you must have the relationship with your people where you can walk down the hall with them, with your arm around their shoulder, while you kick them in the butt at the same time.  Successful coaches and leaders have this skill. Do you?

I used to joke that my generation of parents tried to create little veal chops of their children.  We wanted to keep then tender and soft and we would lock them in some sort of figurative cage and never allow them to strengthen their muscles.  We wanted to do all the heavy lifting for them. We would try to protect them from all adversity.  One of the happiest days of my life was when I could affirm, most times to myself, that my children were “veal chops” no more.  When you can do this, I think that you have done your job as a parent, teacher, coach or leader. Congratulations!