Timeout for Leadership-your one-minute leadership idea

Op-ed #17

How much time do you spend on the self-pity pot?

Fact:

Admit it.  You occasionally visit this place. 

Self-pity, what a wasted emotion.  However, no matter how wasted this emotion is, we all experience it.  The big question that I want you to think about today is, how often do you visit this place?  And as a follow-up question, how long do you stay there.

When things did not go right for you, you felt bad.  When you did not get the promotion that you wanted, you felt bad.  When the boss called you into the office and explained that he or she had to let you go, you felt bad.  Feeling bad is a natural reaction.  We all have felt it.  You have been dejected, angry, and mad. And of course, you felt sorry for yourself.

But what are you going to do about it?  I would hope that you give yourself some time in residence in the land of self-pity, but you can’t stay there.  You have to push forward.  You cannot wallow in your despair. Get over your anger and disappointment and start to reflect as to what went wrong that helped land you there.  Of course, and especially in these times, you may have done absolutely nothing to cause something to go wrong, yet nonetheless you felt bad. Perhaps even hopeless. I am not saying that you did not have a right to feel this way.  These are your emotions and they are real.  But are you going to let whatever happened impact the rest of your life?

I have seen co-workers live on the self-pity pot.  They spend their entire day feeling sorry for themselves about something.  And I have seen these same people actually make things up to give them a chance to moan and groan.  These same folks also love telling everyone about how they were wronged and of course, it was never their fault. Self-pity will help poison the culture or your workplace.

I know that when I feel myself heading in that direction, I force myself to go and get some exercise.  Nothing helps to clear the mind like some good exercise.  I encourage you to try to go get a breath of fresh air.  This helps cleanse your mind and body.  It really gives you a chance to breathe, both figuratively and literally.

The second thing that I would recommend is that, after some reflection, you dive into studying something.  And as part of this study, the result might actually help you grow in the workplace and your personal life. You might be surprised how you feel when you really engage your mind.

Stop talking about it and do something about it.  After some reflection, you may have to totally reinvent yourself.  Many people reinvent themselves several times in their lives.  And yes, out of something bad, something good may emerge.  I know for me, when I am heading in that self-pity direction, I would do something as simple as rearranging the office furniture.  To me, this rearranging and perhaps decluttering allowed me to begin anew.  Find that one cathartic activity that gets you back going in the right direction.  I know that I am over-simplifying, but you get my point.

You must keep your perspective and keep your focus on both your short-term and long-term goals.

And the next time you feel yourself headed for that self-pity pot, make sure that you do not linger there.  There are many more challenges ahead for you.  Bring them on, for you are ready for them   Now go and get ‘em!

I will keep a good thought alive for everyone during these trying times.